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October 8, 2011 / ignuf

FUNGI THE DOLPHIN FINGERED IN SEXUAL ASSAULT CLAIMS

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“Ever since Fungi first appeared in Dingle Bay, and people started to go out to meet him, there have been many stories about his… peccadilloes, shall we say. Rumours about his busy bottlenose and how he likes to investigate various nooks and crannies have been floating around for years, but until now the Dingle Tourist Board have been very successful in keeping these stories under wraps.”

“This matter has also sparked outrage amongst feminists, including writer and critic Pearl Caligula, who says that “to describe an act of rape as a sign of intelligence is disgusting, even if it is in the animal kingdom. This male chauvinist sea-pig Fungi has proved they are only too willing to take advantage of human women as well. And as we all know, female animals have even less rights than human females. We say this is something that needs to be addressed… like right now!””

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